These Words Speak To Me

Kelle Hampton is one of my favorite bloggers. I actually had no idea who she was until one my friends (Melissa I think) posted a FB link to her blog. Her 2nd daughter was born with Down Syndrome and she had no idea until delivery.

Today she said the words that my heart have felt ever since my first pregnancy complication (subchorionic hematoma) and I felt it again at our 20week appt when we found out Hendrix had a CCAM on his right lung....and kept feeling this all throughout the many high risk dr appts and pediatric surgeon appts. I still thank God for healing my sweet boy and surgery was never needed.

RAMBLING SORRY!!

So here is what she said today:"Nella had her four month appointment yesterday.And, amid most of the time where I honestly forget she's different, I am reminded every once and awhile. Like getting ready to go to the doctor and feeling a little flutter inside. Like what if they tell me something. Like what if they rock my world again. Like what if one of those "increased likelihoods" that happen to attach themselves to that sweet little chromosome comes true. But, here's the thing. Once you become a parent...once you start feeling a little funny and you buy that pregnancy test...once you see a pink plus sign...once you know it's not just you anymore...well, you automatically carry around, for the rest of your life, an increased likelihood. To have your heart broken. And it's a constant fear that we struggle to put to rest.And we can choose to be afraid or we can choose to live. And I choose to live. Because an "increased likelihood of having your heart broken" also carries with it an increased likelihood to find yourself the happiest you've ever been in life."

If that doesn't put things into perspective I don't know what does. Her attitude SINGS TO ME!!!

Thank you. Ramble over.

Coming to an End

This morning may have been H's last time to nurse. It's getting less and less common. I cherished every moment. I sat up in bed (as opposed to my laying-down-half-asleep position) and I held his long body that no longer fits in my cradled arms. Here lately he has only been nursing a few minutes on each side, but this morning was different. It was as if he was cherishing it too. While nursing he signed dad, so I said "dad" followed by "mom". He stopped nursing just long enough to say "mama" which brought me to tears because he very rarely says mama. I made sure to sing him the "mommy's milk is so good" little jingle I made up and have been singing him since the very beginning. I also tickled him just to see his silly I'm-trying-so-hard-not-to-laugh-while-nursing face he does that I adore so much. Ahhh...I love this kid. A lot.

Updates

So my two prayer requests have wonderful updates:
Lizzie is home from the hospital and recovery is going slow and steady. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elizabethschemerhorn

Maxwell is proving to be a tough little boy and is growing stronger every day! His mommy and daddy get to hold him more now which was a big prayer I've been praying. http://maxwellallenparker.blogspot.com/

As for my sweet Hendrix- HE WALKS, HE RUNS, he falls down, HE GETS BACK UP! I had no idea how cute he would be as a true toddler. He looks like a drunk midget. Here is a video that includes most of his new tricks.